4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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