So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
