i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
