McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
