Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
