i think my tv is drunk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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