Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
