I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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