We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
