It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
