After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
