But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
