You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
