I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
