There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
