I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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