you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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