just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
