I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
