I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
