If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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