He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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