This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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