i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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