You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
