Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize