she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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