I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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