Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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