New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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