I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
