Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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