if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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