Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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