I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
