sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
