My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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