thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
