Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
