Cold hands, warm shart.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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