I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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