A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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