STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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