I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
