How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
