True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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