Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
