Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
