he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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