toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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