So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
