My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Im part way to drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
