Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
