I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
