When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
