when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
