he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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