someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I will die if light touches me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
