I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
