I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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