I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
