Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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