there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
