Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
