Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
