I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
