Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
