Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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