I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
