I just threw up on my dentist
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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