a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
