my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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