i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
