i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
